It’s adrenaline, it’s fear, power and excitement. It’s passion, it’s dread, it’s your heart pounding out of your chest!

Your stomach in knots, your anxiety taking your breathe away, your nerves shot to pieces, all choking every little ounce of confidence you have left.

And no matter how hard you’ve trained, nothing could prepare you for that first 10 seconds of sizing each other up!

Definitely, sorting the women from the girls! There was no turning back now! Do or die!!

Why did I do it, you say?

1. Because I was damn good at it!

2. Because the feeling of accomplishment (WIN or LOSE) after it’s all said and done was my heroin.

The one thing that resonated with me thinking back on that day, Friday the 13th of June 2003, was not getting caught up in all of the emotions and the hype of the competition.

Going through the preliminaries was so different to any others before it. I was calm, I was focused, I was in a zone, I had a job to do and nothing was going to stop me. Don’t get me wrong, the level of competition was fierce, and from countries with very high acclaim in taekwondo. But I proved something to myself that day, the mind is a very powerful weapon!!

First up was against Argentina, ‘Lorena Koller’ similar build and size and very feisty, there was good exchanges from both sides but I think my preparation, focus and stamina out played Lorena. Was a great fight to start with, and helped to build my confidence into round 2.

Next was against Germany, ‘Karima Houssa’ this girl was tall. And for those that know me, I am quite short (only 160cm). So my tactics had to change with this one. She had more reach with both arms and legs, and loved to use the downward axe kick. So if I allowed any distance between us she would’ve had me. So I stayed on her, in close so she struggled to use her legs, and lucky for me she wasn’t as good with her hands, as I was. So another WIN!!

Semi Final time, against Sweden, ‘Cecilia Akesdotter’ Cecilia was a good match for me, similar style, good form, what can I say I was on fire that day. Just got more clear point winners.

When that day was done, I went back to the hotel and awaited the final match scheduled for the next day. Which was against Poland on her home turf! And boy oh boy was this a different kind of day.

First was the opening ceremony, crazy, I know, to have it on your last day of competition, but it was planned that way as the president of Poland, some other political figures and the most prestige in the ITF Taekwondo world was going to be there for that one night only. It was televised for the world to see, so it had to make a big bang, especially since Taekwondo was first introduced to the Olympic games 3 years prior. It was a very big deal to fight on this day, and it was starting to get to me. No-one suspected what was to follow.

In the opening ceremony, I was given the honour of standing up front and carrying my country’s name alongside the flag bearer. This was something not to be taken lightly, but the turn of events that followed proved what lengths some (host country) will go to to win. See, we all thought it would be fine for me to be up front as I was in the middleweight division with what should be 4 fights before me, giving me ample time to get ready and prepare for my fight. How wrong we were!!

Standing there completely unaware watching the last of the performances in it’s element, and a call comes over the speaker for me to report to the referee table and be ready to fight in just 3 minutes. WT!!!!!! First fight!!!!!

My bag was in my locker, all of my sparring gear neatly tucked away inside, and zero time to get into the right head space!!! The ring was lit up like a christmas tree, like some kind of main event, upstaged boxing ring… just something else to add to the preparation list for next time!! My heart is pounding right now just re-living it!!

We made it ringside with just seconds to spare, and while I scurried to get my gear on, I had my coach in one ear trying to bring back the beast that was once there the day before, and from out of nowhere, so too was a TV cameraman trying to wedge his camera between us, just millimetres away from my face and chasing us wherever we tried to turn. Talk about top level intimidation!

In all the hype, I struggled to catch my breathe, let alone string any thoughts together. Job well done Poland!! The fight was just 3 x 3 minute rounds, with my first round a complete write off, I was so overwhelmed, and panicked that I just kept walking right into her front side kick . Literally giving points away!!!

After that, I gave it everything I had but there was no coming back from round 1. Plus we still had the cameraman playing peep-a-boo with us whilst trying to talk tactics between the rounds as well, at one stage I thought my coach was going to king hit him!

I look back now on the memory of his face with a cheeky grin, thinking if he was pushed any further I’m sure he would of laid him out… lol!!

All of this aside I give full credit to Johanna Lipa (my opponent), she was a very good competitor as it was, and had a very good chance to take home the gold anyway. You simply don’t get that far without the ability to win.  

On the final bell, it was difficult to hold back the tears, I let my emotions and nerves take over. I was so completely overwhelmed, deflated and beaten mentally. And that’s how it goes, you can lose your stride just like that, all it takes is someone to know exactly how to push those buttons. 

It wasn’t until later that I realised the magnitude of what I had achieved, and it’s that strength and determination I carry with me through all of life’s endeavours now, I am forever changed for the experience…. Very humbled…  Very proud….   The rest is history!!